See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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