Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
honey bunches of taint.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
