ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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