when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
