my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
