I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sext me about skeletons
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
