Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
