The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
