She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
