Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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