Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
