Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
