just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
