i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
