never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize