and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
