I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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