she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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