Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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