I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize