Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
