ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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