the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
