I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dick very happy bro
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
