Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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