I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize