Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
