Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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