i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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