She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
