OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love you. Go after that dick
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
