Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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