One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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