I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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