I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
