He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
