THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
