You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
