absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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