Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize