I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You are the jesus of drinking
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
