Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I checked into jail on foursquare
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
