the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
