Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
