I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
