Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We need to get me chipped asap
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
