i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
