if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
