I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
