i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my liver is dry heaving
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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