Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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