i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
