remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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