You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize