Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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