Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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