So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
