living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
