We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's always time for handjobs
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
