He had one of those small greek statue penises
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
