U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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