she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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