I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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