dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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