I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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