Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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