shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
