There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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